The awesomely nice people at Time4learning allowed me to try out their product for a month as long as I did a review.  I am a bit late in getting this review done, and for that I apologize its been a crazy couple of months lately!

I was very excited to try out this product as I am always looking for stuff to engage my children and supplement our homeschool with.  I am open to trying out new avenues of learning for our children.  Also having the ability to have online learning is helpful when you have 4 children you are trying to teach and juggle time with!

I was able to get all four of my children signed up, I have a 4 year old, a 6 year old a 8 year old and a 9 year old.  So we had preschool, 1st grade, 3rd and 4th grade.

First of all I will say the customer service for Time4Learning was really great.  They were very kind and answered any question I had and made things simple to get started.  

When we first started the program all the kids were excited.  My children look for any excuse to get on the computer.  I think this program is great for supplementation.  I am much more a hands on teacher so I can see what the kids were learning and be part of the process.  Time4learning does have detailed reports on how your children are learning but for me it was just a personal preference for me to teach my children.  I am sure for those parents out there who need a little help/work from home and can't be with their children the whole time teaching them, this program would be great.  My older two lost interest pretty fast.  But again I don't think it was because the program was bad.  Different programs work differently for different kids.

My youngest two, the 4 year old and the 6 year old enjoyed it very much, and took advantage of the program for the full month.  

I will be the first to say I didn't get to explore the program as fully as I would have liked, but thats my fault as again it has been a crazy couple of months, we have had trips, lots of kids activities, I bake on the side.  So its nobodys fault but my own.  What I did see though I was impressed with and I might have been able to engage my older two a bit more in the program than what they were if I had had the time to sit down and explore a bit more.   I think the program is a great program and I like that it involves the parents in everyway with detailed reports and lesson plans.  

I am very thankful I got to try this program out and see how my children liked the program.  I am not going to be buying the program yet as I have already bought our homeschool curriculum for the year and again my older children didn't seem to enjoy it as much as I had hoped.  But I will definitely keep Time4Learning in mind during this upcoming school year for my younger two as a supplement if I feel they need it and need a different interactive way for learning!

Thank you Time4Learning for your kindness, good customer service, and giving me the opportunity to try out your product for a realistic amount of time!

In case you want to check them out you can find Time4learning here!

So I have perused i am baker's blog before and loved her cakes!  They are so beautiful!  You really should go check her out here.

I have always wanted to challenge myself to make one of her cakes since I am usually only making cupcakes.  So we were having some good foodie friends over and I did challenge myself.  I made her neapolitan cake.  I have tried out numerous recipies for cakes as I make new cupcake flavors often so I pulled my favorite strawberry cake, chocolate cake and vanilla cake and set to making it!  

I am happy with the way it turned out!  And it was super yummy too!  I tweaked a thing here and there by adding chocolate ganache between the chocolate and strawberry layer,  and then put strawberry jam between the strawberry and vanilla flavor and I put a white chocolate vanilla ganache on top of the vanilla layer.  Then I piped on my swirly roses which was pretty easy.  

This cake is an amazing cake and it is beautiful and it looks like you worked very hard, but the best things about it is it is pretty easy!

here is a link to i am baker's neapolitan cake.

And here is a few pictures of mine!

It was rich and yummy, a nice cake for those who have hard times making decisions on what they really want, this cake has it all!

This past Sunday we had lifegroup.  I really love our lifegroup, its full of wonderful fun cool people.  I am so thankful to have every one of them in my life.  This Sunday, though the weekend had been relaxing, I will admit I didn't want to go.  I just wanted to go home and rest some more.  But my dutiful hubby had taken over all food preparation so that there would be one less thing on me. And our kids love playing with the other kids, so I got over myself.  I had been serving in the nursery this Sunday and missed the sermon.  But everyone started discussing it at life group and so I don't feel I missed anything.  Guess what it was about?  Thats right, the need for rest, and resting in God.

There was discussion of "Is rest just about doing nothing, or could we be at rest while doing hard tasks?".  The more everyone discussed I felt like rest and God's peace meant the same thing to me.  And truly that is what I desired.  I want peace of God when I have four children yelling "mom!"  the pile of laundry is to the roof and I have an order or two of cupcakes in queue.  I want to be at peace and able to breathe through things even when life is chaotic.  I want to find my peace and rest in God not in the check on the list of accomplishments.  I have found when life gets chaotic I start to fall apart because I feel like if I don't get it all done life will fall apart.  Wow do I think highly of myself or what?  So sinful!

 It was interesting as people went around the room hearing how others deal with life, and with being busy, with distractions, and work.  The whole time I was listening I was just struck with how desperately I needed this rest, this real peace that only comes from God.  I realized I did not have it and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to grasp it, and the trying harder was only making it worse.  I did ask for prayer for my jaw.  I asked also that God would continue to do the work he was doing in killing my idols.  I love comfort.  There is nothing wrong with comfort in the grand scheme.  But when you seek comfort above all else especially God thats not good.  I realized how this stuff with my jaw took all comfort I received from eating and sleeping away.  I love food, but chewing with a sore jaw takes all fun of good tasting food away.  Dreading sleep because you only do things that causes harm to your body when you sleep takes all goodness and rest of sleep away.  

So after all that reading, and trying with every fiber of my body I think God lifted the veil.  After seeking and praying and pleading and truly discovering my real desires, I feel at peace today.  And its such an odd thing to me.  I am usually of the mindset you have to figure things out, and there are procedures and rules, do this and this and you will succeed in unlocking the secret.

Today as my husband and I were reading "Gospel Wakefulness" by Jared Wilson he quoted a scripture 2 Cor 15-18

Yes, to this day whenever Moses is read a veil lies over their hearts.  But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed.  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.  For this comes form the Lord who is the Spirit.

The line that says we are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another stood out.  We are on a journey, we don't ever arrive at perfection on this earth, we are constantly seeking and learning things about God.  He is always at work in our lives revealing things to us in His perfect timing.  We are slowly being transformed to the same image from one degree of glory to another.  Maybe I am not getting that right but it just seemed to shout out to me.  This is another degree of glory He is teaching me about.  And oddly enough my jaw is feeling better.  I do realize the veil being removed usually is talking about believing in Jesus but it spoke to me this way as well.  

I am so thankful, though I don't like pain, I do appreciate and love, a loving Father who loves me enough to let me go through some pain to learn lessons and to point me back to Him.  I am also thankful that God put me in a great place to grow surrounded by such an awesome group of people who love, and share and live life in community and share their struggles and their praises so not one of us is alone.

As I write this I know I don't have this magic capability.  I know things will get tested.  I am sure I will have moment that peace wants to flee, I might lose it every now and then.  But I am thankful to see this glimmer of hope. Despite my own struggle to figure it out, God so easily and effortlessly makes it not about me learning or accomplishing but soley about Him freely giving.  It's all about Him and He gets full glory!

I would love to say I am going to post regularly but it seems every time I say that it doesn't happen. So I won't say that.

I feel so lighthearted today!  This past month and specifically the last two weeks I have really been struggling with being at rest, physically and spiritually.  I felt as though no matter how much I wanted to rest or have peace it wasn't possible.  I couldn't figure it out, it just wasn't there.  I also had no clue as how to obtain it.  I knew there was something wrong but the more I chased the more stressed and frustrated I got.

This past two weeks my tmj issues really ramped up.  Usually this is caused by stress.  I had a particular week where I was baking a whole lot, on top of homeschooling and trying to keep the boat afloat housewise.  I don't do well with too many pots in the fire.  And so the tmj made itself known.  I tend to take my stress out apparently as I sleep!  I don't like pain around my teeth.  It makes me worried there is something horribly wrong and that there might be a looming dentist appt.  Crazy thoughts I know.  But anyway so when this stuff ramped up it was causing really bad pain in my back teeth, which then caused me to start having panic attacks.  I was really a mess! a crazy mess!  

At this point I am realizing any bit of rest physical and spiritual is being taken left and right from me.  If I didn't have peace before I surely don't have it now.  My husband then sat me down and we discussed possible spiritual warfare going on and maybe God was trying to teach me to actually fight.  If you know me, you know I am not the fighter I am the flighter!   I began praying about this and when the pain would come I would just try to start praising Jesus.  I will also say I was taking advil too.  I don't want this to seem like crazy town, where you ignore life and get hyperspiritual.  But I was trying not to let fear and stress, and unknown crash my life.  All this stress, fear and pain made me want to hermit up.  It would be so much easier not to have people over or be in peoples lives, or do school.  If I didn't have all these responsibilities maybe I could be functional and without pain! 

I realized right then there is what I am fighting over.  I could give up all responsibility, but I truly would not be living life.  I would not have dinners and friends, I would not enjoy serving in our church, I would not get to enjoy this precious time with my children.  It doesn't mean that I have to take on the world, but running away from it was no answer either.  So I had a piece of the puzzle, but I still felt that no matter what I read or how hard I prayed this feeling of rest was unobtainable.  I still did not have my peace or I guess I mean Gods peace.

....more to come

I've been invited to try Time4Learning's online education program in exchange for an honest review. My opinion will be entirely my own, so come back and read about my experience! For more information, try their lesson demos or find out how to write your own curriculum review.

Look for reviews soon!

Let me first say I am a huge weeny when it comes to husbands trips away.  I have never been good at them, I am better than I used to be but still not good at dealing with it.

So My husband had his first business trip with this company he works for.  Its a real doozy too!  He gets to ride on a private Jet to New York City.  

I don't know really where to begin.  Maybe with the good stuff.  I am so happy that my husband has this opportunity and that he gets to have this experience.  I believe there is purpose in this trip just beyond business.  So half of me is very happy for the husband.

The other evil half is extremely jealous and I feel so worn out today after homeschooling the kids and struggling very hard with them and their behavior.  Not so much everyone's behavior but specifically one child who is always hard to deal with's behavior.  It is hard not to be jealous when you think man it would be nice to be standing in New York right now drinking in all the sites and sounds.  Something different than the boring city you live in that everything closes at 10:00 and if its not a chain its non-existant.  I find myself getting very frustrated as I make dinner and there is no one to help when kids start arguing.  It is VERY hard not to be jealous as you know your husband is sitting eating italian food having real grown up conversations while all you have is boys pretending to shoot each other and you just want to talk to an adult.

Do I blame my husband, no way.  Its not like he is always away.  He doesn't choose to have a job that keeps him out of town all the time.  He is a fantastic husband who is very helpful.  He rarely has trips and if we could have gone with him he totally would have taken us.  I know he is working hard for us!

I still struggle though.  The happy side thinks how dare you evil side for having frustration and jealousy.  My husband is my best friend and it doesn't seem the friend thing to do to be jealous. The jealous feelings is more of a I want to do this too, not a I wish he couldn't do it.  So is that wrong? Maybe its coveting, which is not good.  I do think I had a break through this morning as I was folding clothes.  I had the urge to just be grumpy and grumbly.  And I do believe that God stopped me and helped me realize this was a choice I can be grumbly grumpypants and believe the lies that the enemy is sending your way and make everyones day bad or you could realize that your husband is working hard not just on what he does that day but even on other things that could affect your future and betterment for the whole family.  That has never happenend before, usually I choose to be a grump.  Also I haven't texted him once or written him once unless he texted me.  I have not bothered him with things of frustration going on at the house. Again a first.

Needless to say though I tried to have a better attitude the day was not great. I still feel like I made everyones day horrible.  I desperately want to run far away from my children and just sit and have some peace and enjoyment.  I love my kids dearly but everyone needs a break. I truely don't know how those single parents out there do it and I have great respect for them.

I don't know what the right answer is.  Is it ok to be jealous? is it normal?  I desire to be a fun mom I don't desire to become utilitarian mom when their dad is away but it is usually the way it happens.  I just want to be doing right by my husband, I don't want to be sinning against him by harboring feelings of jealousy.  I want to be doing right by my children, not losing it because of a childs behavior. Blerg I just want it to all be over with and life to be back to normal.  And I want a vacation.

I have not written in awhile.  I have meant to and had several posts mulling in my head but I just have not had any time to write.

I definitely have been immersed in our land of homeschool.  Its been rocky, but I think we have finally found our homeschool rhythm.  We have tried having homeschool on our porch on the pretty days, we have added a whiteboard and lots of other little things and we are rocking right along.  

Even though it can be a challenge I am in love with homeschooling my children, probably because I am in love with my kids.  It is awesome to be able to watch them learn and spend so much time with them.  I love getting to be part of their lives in this way.  

Not to say we are always happy and life is rainbows.  There are plenty of times I lose my cool, or the kids don't want to do their work, but thats life.  Sometimes you have to take it warts and all!

And as I sit here and type, I realize how much God has worked on me.  A few years ago, heck even a year ago if you told me I would love homeschooling, and love spending every day nonstop with my kids I would have laughed you out of the room.  I loved my kids but I also loved my time when they were at school.  And now I can't imagine life without homeschool.  

I am thankful for what God has changed in my heart!

This is my second week of homeschool and I don't know what to think.  I knew bad days were going to happen.  I did not lie to myself and think things would always be roses and unicorns and rainbows.  But this week is killing me.  I have only had one good day this week and that was us going to the zoo.  I am pretty sure that going to the zoo daily is not considered school.

The first week went beautifully, the kids did their work for the most part they were happy and doing well. Then this week started.

I am starting to feel like a failure in homeschooling.  I felt I had good intentions, I am trying my best, I am trying to make things exciting..  But I am failing miserably.  Right now my oldest is on his 2nd hour of math as he daydreams.  I had been using a timer to coax him along and it worked except he felt stressed so I took it away and now here we are two hours later.  Its not a thing of not understanding the math either its just doodling and taking his time.  He says he can't think with a lot of noise.  I don't let the other kids walk around with cymbals clashing but I can't stop life, I have a three year old who likes to watch videos.  And I know when he was in class he wasn't in complete silence

My youngest which I anticipated problems with because he is my rambunctious child whose weakness is listening and behaving.  I am working so hard to have grace with this child.  He and I have always butted heads since 18 months.  God has done an amazing work in me that I have grace for this child. I love him dearly but I don't know if we will survive the school year.  Right now I have asked him to write some letters on a dry erase board to practice handwriting.  I am trying to give him fun mediums and usually the dry erase board does it but today he is sitting there crying and throwing a fit. I have already decided that in both science and history I am not going to push him if he wants to join in he can but otherwise as long as he is getting reading, writing, and math those are the non-negotiables. I can't just let the child roam free and do whatever he wants.  

I am in a place where I am not going to give up.  Even if I wanted to I can't imagine putting him into school and finding out what things he is learning there not from the teachers but other kids.  He already picked up enough just in kindergarten.

I am at a loss and I want to run away screaming. I know God called me to homeschool but I feel like I am failing my children as a teacher. And the fact that its been two days this week is disheartening.  I don't want to start a pattern.

I need a vacation!

So we are actually 3 days in as I type this.  This week has been a whirlwind.  But our first day was awesome, and really every day after that has been pretty good.  I am amazed at how relaxing homeschooling is for the most part.  It seems like it goes to fast.  It surely does make the morning go by way faster than it ever used to before.  At first I was worried, surely I couldn't have taught them all they need to know the first day, surely we should be grueling over something.  But I remembered all the research and book reading and blog reading all said homeschool days are not like regular school day length.  I knew I read that but it just seemed like it couldn't be done that fast.  Also I am sure that it had to do with it was the first day of school, and the fact that it was us reviewing and easing back into a school rhythm.

I am very happy with our decision to homeschool.  I know its what I am supposed to do anyway, but it was really nice to have such a smooth beginning.

So excited to see what the rest of the year holds.

This Sunday we studied in sunday school and church about Gods love.  Seems very simple, something we should all know and get.  But I think we take it for granted, its been ingrained in us over all the years we have been in church.  How can we truely ever understand Gods love as its so pure and so massive.  Hosea and Gomer were mentioned. And the fact that God loves us and pursues us even when we are chasing our own idols. 

I realized although I have heard the story of Hosea and Gomer before it struck me, how much I was Gomer.  I realize we are all Gomer, it was a symbol as well as a real life happening.  But my heart was pierced by these last three years this Sunday as I sat in church.  I truely believe God saved me about 3 years ago.  I Grew up in church, did what I thought I was supposed to do, thought I was saved,  I said the sinners prayer about a zillion times since I was always worried maybe the last one didn't take.  But there was not fruit, my life was not lived for God, it was for my own selfish desires. It was all works based, if I do what is right God will bless me, and I must be doing something horrible wrong if life doesn't go right. Its a long story that I won't go into now.

Even though I feel I have truely been saved for the last 3 years, I never realized how much I fought God.  And I look back and know God is sovereign in my life and things happened for a reason, but my heart hurts that I put my own desires before God and never realized it till now.  This past month I have been in awe of what God is doing in our lives.  This past month has been the best month we have had and God has blessed us richly.  We have moved and bought a house, we made a decision to homeschool, and we became members at an awesome church and found our church family.  All three of these things I have fought against.  Yet God was patient and continued to pursue, he thankfully didn't give me what I wanted.  He persevered and waited on me.  He loved me enough to give me what I need not what I want. He loved me though I must have been hard and horrible to love.

I fought against moving to Montgomery, I wanted to live anywhere else but here and we tried.  In fact I wanted to move away from Alabama altogether.  My husband applied to jobs all over the united states.  Nothing opened.  Finally a job opened up in Montgomery.  It has been the best job my husband has ever had.  He loves it and is thankful for it, he enjoys the people he works with and they treat him well.  God blessed us by opening up a way for us to buy a house and I love our house, I love our neighborhood, the people are so nice and welcoming. Its a double blessing as it is near my husband's new job and he gets to walk to work. We have always wanted a neighborhood where there are kids and families that we can be friends with and our kids have friends, and that is exactly what has happened.

I have always said I would never homeschool.  I have realized over the past 3 months what a passive parent I have been.  I know God changed my heart on homeschooling because one day I was dead set against it and then the next day I was very much open to exploring this option.  Another part of moving to Montgomery that I didn't want was that I had heard the schools were not particularly good unless you got into a magnet school.  I loved the schools our boys went to.  And so I was dead set to not change that. But I began to research homeschooling and started to fall in love with the idea.  This is truly miraculous as I have always been the type that though I love my kids dearly really looked forward to that escape from them.  I am ashamed to say this.  And they were good enough in school that though I asked how their day went I wasn't that mom who found out everything they were learning and worked on it at home.  Now I feel like God has given me an opportunity to really engage with my children.  To be part of their lives, not just weekends and a few hours in the evening. To know them better. He has blessed me to be able to do this and not look back later in life and have regrets. I also see this as a place he is working some new stuff out of me.

And the last which is the worst to me. I did not want to go to the church we now attend and I love dearly even though I have only been going there a month.  It was a completely stupid reason and I have learned my lesson.  I tend to be a judgemental person.  Nobody would know this as I don't speak it, I just judge in my mind but its no less horrible, a sin is a sin no matter where it is commited.  I judged them because I have grown up in non-denominational churches that were very loose as far as no Sunday school and things like that.  This place was a baptist church and I had preconceived ideas.  How absolutely horrible is that.    We have been going there for a month and have become members and these wonderful people have welcomed us in and treated us like family. I can't put my finger on it I can't explain it, how can you feel home when you hardly know people?  But I do.  I know God put us there.  I love going to church, I love sunday school (that is a phrase I thought I would never say)  I love that its not just a feel good message but a message that convicts my heart. They teach me the bible. I am so excited to be a part and grow to know these people better and cultivate friendships there.

We have been searching for about 3 years now for home,  Since we moved back from Vegas I have not felt home.  I tried feeling home many places, but though I tried I just didn't.  I truly feel home in every way.  I feel home in my home, I feel home in my city, I feel home in my neighborhood and most importantly to me I feel so very home at our church and I am so happy and feel joy like I haven't ever felt it.

All these good and wonderful things that have been put off for 3 years because of my own thoughts and desires.  I have found the things I don't want usually end up being the best for me.  I think and hope with all of my heart I have learned the lesson God has taught me through this.  I pray daily that God would turn my heart to his desires and that I would not question Him anymore. And I have repented for all the above.

I went after my Idols full force thinking I was fine and loving God with all my heart.  He has pointed out my Idols and shown me He is so much better and what he has for me is a million times better than anything I could ever think of.  I feel loved and heartbroken at the same time.  He pursued me and waited on me, He loved me through all of this and gently took me through our hard times, He tenderly cared for me as I ran after my own desires. Thankfully he broke me so he could rebuild the pieces he tore down my pride and my importance so he could show me His beauty and shower me with His love!  And for all that I am so thankful.